No matter how you feel about the pandemic, it affected everyone. My pregnancy was no exception to changes the pandemic brought into all of our lives these past two years. From masks to social distancing, my pregnancy was much different than those pre-pandemic. While I could handle the pandemic baby jokes, you know the “mommy and daddy didn’t social distance” jokes, things like Dr. appointments, my delivery, and working were all rough.
The first appointment we had at eight weeks pregnant was in June 2020, so not very long into the pandemic. But let me tell you this, that 8 week wait is the LONGEST wait you will ever endure! My husband, fiance at the time, and I went into the Doctor’s office wearing our masks and trying not to touch anything or get too close to anyone. Initially, I was shocked by how many pregnant women I was seeing. How could I have never noticed before? It felt like everywhere I looked I saw more and more pregnant women. There wasn’t, I just never paid any mind to them until I realized I would be showing my big, beautiful belly soon like them. My husband and I were obviously sweating at this point. We were so nervous we could hardly sit still! Obviously they still needed a urine sample and to ask a million questions about insurance and my symptoms so far. Then we wait. And wait. And wait. Which was also totally normal. The ultrasound went wonderfully and that appointment was shorter than I anticipated, but we left both content and excited for the future.
That was the last normal appointment for us unfortunately. For the next appointment my husband took off of work again so that he could be there. He was just so excited-holding my hand and basically running to the elevator for our 12 week appointment that we were already 30+ minutes early for when we pulled into the parking lot. However as soon as we stepped up to the counter, he was asked to go back to the car and wait. Now, my husband is a lot of great things, but he has never been patient. On top of being impatient, he was very upset at this point because this was only my second visit, no one had called me to mention the new office protocols, and this would be the future of my pregnancy. I would have to go through all of this without him. He was no longer able to be involved in the updates and measuring and testing. He was no longer able to hold my hand and tell me I would be just fine and so would our baby. He was no longer able to ask questions I would nervously forget or see the doctor’s face when she told us how she felt things were going to know if it was serious or going along just fine. He was no longer able to hear the heartbeat of our tiny baby or watch the doctor smile as our little bean kicked from being poked at. He felt so left out by all of it. He was so upset by that one new rule that was just put in place the day before my 12 week appointment.
Another necessary evil I encountered was the three hour glucose test. While three hours sounds like such a short period of time looking back on it now, I was 100% having a bad time. I had failed the prior non-fasting glucose test, so I had to take the fasting three hour test to make sure I did not have gestational diabetes. Thankfully I did not have it, but I definitely wish I didn’t have to go through that process to find out. I had an increasing amount of anxiety given to me by my mask and the idea of me potentially having gestational diabetes that brought LOTS of heavy breathing, fogged glasses, and nervous sweats. My doctor’s office also asked me to stay inside the office to avoid any potential issues like spreading germs, passing out, or risking not being on time for my blood draws. Don’t get it twisted, this situation would have made me nervous even before the pandemic just because I have had blood sugar problems in the past. The new mandates, however, made everything so much worse.
Now I don’t know if this was because it was my first pregnancy or not, but I went through it feeling pretty disconnected from my baby. Despite the kicks, the whole thing was a dream. Not in the “super cute, it all went great” way, but in the “I didn’t feel like it was really happening” way. For me, that feeling didn’t really go away until my baby was over two months old. Once he could smile and laugh at me, I finally felt like a mom. Anyone who knew me and saw me on a regular basis during my pregnancy knows how not-pregnant I tried to act. From working up until a few days before my induction to running up and down stairs to do laundry, I thought I was Pregnant Superwoman! The delivery job I had at the beginning of my pregnancy had turned into a complete joke. I had worked that specific job since high school and my pregnancy was not taken as seriously as it should have been. I took a few weeks to calm down from the fury that job had built up in me and to try and connect with the idea that I WAS ACTUALLY GOING TO HAVE A BABY! After that, I started working with Instacart and Doordash. I had worked these two jobs on the side every once in a while before I was pregnant, but at that point, I HAD to make it work. While my husband is a very hardworking man, our bills were still too high for me to stay at home while he worked his two jobs. I worked alone for a couple of weeks before it was too much for me. Luckily, my mom was an Instacart shopper as well, so we would work together for the rest of my pregnancy. I had enough unfortunate fallouts that my mom will never recover from the trauma. The mask mandates did NOT help my public anxiety whatsoever, but you do what you need to do. Between the three times I had to put myself on the floor to sit until she brought me orange juice, the one time I was literally unconscious laying on the floor in the frozen section, and the two times I had fallen and hurt myself pretty badly, we’re BOTH traumatized. I will be forever grateful that she stuck by my side through all of it, though, because I would not have been able to do it alone.
The pandemic caused a lot of stress to my pregnancy, which seems to be a pretty stressful event for everyone already. I could handle the memes and the looks (I am assuming they were because I really do not look my age and everyone seems to have an opinion on pregnancy and Covid-19). The fact that no one would walk up to me, which I have heard is a pretty regular part of pregnancy, was kind of a blessing because I can be AWKWARD in public. Because of the pandemic, I had little interaction with both my family and strangers during my pregnancy. My pandemic pregnancy was quite scary at times, but at the end of the day I got to come home with a beautiful little baby who reminds me that it was all worth doing.
Not So Motherly Instincts 