There is a big emphasis on the LEARNING part of this title. I am still going through this and honestly it seems to be kind of a continual thing. It is a lot of reminding yourself that you can’t do it all and deciding that doing what you can handle is just fine. As much as we love superheroes and probably know a handful, not everyone is on the same level or piece of their journey. All that matters is that you do the best you can. You’ll start to fall in love with the process of life. 

If you’re like me and the possibility of letting someone down stresses you out so much you go to every event even when you’re not up to it, then this is your time to shine. Well, we’re on the path to shining. It is so hard to have a baby and say no. It feels impossible. It feels like you have to because everyone wants to see the baby. Who wouldn’t? They’re freaking adorable! And the cute and tiny aspect will eventually wear off along with the pressure to make an appearance. At least I hope the pressure eventually does wear off… My point, though, is that I have tried everything. I have tried to keep up with everyone I know and show my cute baby’s face as much as possible so that no one will be unhappy with me. That backfired. Burnout is real, Mamas. Burnout is so, so real and not easy to pull yourself out of. I won’t say I am not blessed with a support system because I truly am, but all the help in the world won’t get you anywhere if you don’t change. Right? The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again while expecting a different outcome.

Just the pure level of daily exhaustion will make you resent everyone and everything in your path. Every minor hiccup will start to feel like a hurricane if you’re not reminding yourself that you’re the one in charge of the tide. More than anything, you have an obligation to yourself. You are the one in charge of your happiness, your time, and your boundaries. While people may check up on you from time to time, you have to check on yourself. If not for yourself, then for your parents, husband, boyfriend, siblings, grandparents, and especially your baby. If you’re not your best self, you cannot be the best anything else. 

I saw this on a TikTok a few months back and I feel like it is a huge life changing thought. If I can remember the TikToker I will edit this to add it! But, she mentioned that a huge part of becoming a parent is realizing that your immediate family is now just you, your significant other, and your baby. All other relatives are now considered extended family. I sat on this idea for days before it really started to resonate with me and my family. And she is absolutely right! Even after I was married, it still didn’t really feel like we were our own family, but after our son, it felt like the whole world changed and I couldn’t put my finger on it until that video. If you didn’t think you had enough to adjust to, add a new family dynamic to the list.

Above all, it is important to remember that this is still your life! I try to keep that front and center when I am stuck thinking about the next 100 moves I need to make to keep my house running smoothly. Yeah a nice, clean house is great, but do you love the life you’re currently living? Did you stop doing the things that keep your cup full and yourself happy? It could be anything from watching the sunrise to having a clean car to cooking great food to reading while you eat your dinner. Everyone deserves to be happy, but you have to stop sabotaging yourself. Of course you’re going to be overwhelmed if you don’t have anything you like to do on your daily list and a million obligations piling up. How can you have a good time if you’re looking at a list of things that you don’t enjoy with no room for fun or breaks? You are still you. A little different post-baby, but you are still living your life and you still deserve to be happy and enjoy it. Say no when you need to and say yes when you can. People will understand and accept you if they really love you.

No amount of preparation will prepare you for your first baby. Wow. It is such a wild ride! Running on hormones, you feel unstoppable. Then you come home with a new set of hormones and cry your eyes out for no reason. Yin and Yang I suppose. I have never been much for other people’s children, like yes I want to play with them and cuddle or talk to them, but no I do not want to change their diapers and listen to them scream. My own son though, complete opposite story. He has yet to do a single thing to be able to change my mind about the fact that he is the cutest and best baby I have ever laid my eyes on. He is absolutely wonderful even when he’s losing his mind. They have to be cute for a while to prep you for the toddler stage, which I hear can sometimes feel like an absolute nightmare. While he is getting me ready for the long days now, I was not ready for what having a baby really was.

Having a baby is a wild ride and bringing it home to be your baby is a whole different experience. Once the nurses are gone, it’s day and night. Yes I was one of those moms that asked the nurse to watch my baby to sleep better between feedings, no guilt there. Coming home to a little screamer that first night was a shock. I didn’t have much of a nesting drive while pregnant. I know a lot of women do, but I was really detached from what was ahead of me and genuinely thought it would all just work itself out. Newsflash, it didn’t. Sometimes I would get stressed and look through baby shower items we received and just try and get excited about soon being able to use those things, but more times than not, I was completely and utterly exhausted. 

Here’s how to not end up rearranging your house and running to the store multiple times/amazon shopping every day!

First thing I would recommend is to move everything! You might think setting up the nursery will be the most beneficial, but I would say that having your whole house setup ready is more important. You are not likely to only have your baby in their nursery/your room. The name of the newborn game is SURVIVAL. Having only one place for diapers and wipes? Having all burp cloths in one drawer? Having only our bed and his bassinet for him to lay on? Having most of the baby clothes in a bin on the other side of the basement? Didn’t work for us. We quickly realized that we needed lots of changes. While no baby and parent and living situation is the same, I highly suggest you really look at your personality and do what you think is best with your resources. I am lazy when I am even just a little tired. I needed to have diapers and wipes and bib cloths and snacks and extra clothes and swaddles and diaper cream and anything I had more than one of to be in more than one place. I had baskets everywhere. We initially thought we were going to sleep in our own bed and have our baby in a bassinet beside me. Well between my c-section and my husband’s inability to stop himself from rolling me out of the bed, I was not able to use our bed to breastfeed in or sleep in. Huge bummer. Our living space had to be turned into a fully functioning, full time baby zone in one day. 

The second thing I would recommend is getting all of the clothes ready. And I don’t just mean snuggling with the freshly washed baby onesies. I mean do it, but I am talking more about organizing. We had most of our newborn size baby clothes in one tiny dresser designated for his clothing only. By most I mean like 10 newborn outfits and 2 hats. Which was definitely not enough. Minimalism and parenting together brings quite a learning curve. I ended up throwing a couple in every basket I had scattered around along with some in the dresser. Aside from baby clothes, you need your clothes in order too! I was wearing the same oversized t-shirt, robe, and shorts for about a week, which I will admit was kinda gross, but I was ill prepared for the adventures of breastfeeding and the postpartum experience. Even in our basement in the middle of the winter, I was sweating. Bonus to the sweat, was the fact that I was still needing giant clothes after my c-section because of the scar tissue healing. High-waisted everything and shirts big enough to lift for easy breastfeeding access. As much as I wanted to be able to wear my normal clothes and outfits, I couldn’t. I didn’t have enough room anymore. I still think my clothes shrunk on me, but that’s another story. I didn’t think I would need nursing clothes, but they turned out to be a necessity! Whether you “bounce back” or not, or have a vaginal or c-section birth, your clothing after pregnancy should be comfortable and easy. You have enough to stress about with your adorable bundle wrapped up in your arms.

My last tip is to ASK QUESTIONS. I cannot stress this enough. I was so anxious at every appointment, I thought I was going to throw up and I never asked any questions. You have to put yourself front and center of your birth experience. Nobody is going to tell you everything you want to know without you asking. If you want a birth plan written down by the minute, go for it, but not having one at all? That was kind of confusing. I made every decision on the fly. I thankfully had my husband to bounce thoughts off of and my mom is and always has been a phone call away. I had basically refused to think about birth. I was so terrified that I chose to ignore that it was coming. Even the day I went in for my induction, I was so mentally far away. Not saying there’s a bad way to give birth or to think about giving birth, but ignoring it was not my brightest idea. I felt so dumb when I asked questions because I thought everyone else knew the answer. Your doctor should be there for you, but you have to put yourself in a position to have the conversation. My doctor, as wonderful as she was, was not big on giving me extra information. She told me the routine things, but because I didn’t ask any questions, she assumed I knew all I wanted to know. Ask away and your doctor should be as helpful as they can be. Of course, no one knows everything and anything could change at any time, but you and your doctor should both be on the same page and have the same expectations.

I hope this helps prepare as best you can for the unpreparable moment of motherhood. Just remember the big picture. You and your baby will soon meet and continue your journey together in the world. Ready or not.

As I am brainstorming this blog, all I see are a million “I should have”s. A million things for me to feel bad about. A million times I didn’t do what was best for myself or my son. A million ways of saying I failed. I didn’t fail, but I sure as hell did not do the best I could and I have regrets. So far, parenting regrets seem to sting in a place that wasn’t there before I had a baby. It seems to me like I am hurting on a whole different playing field. These new pains seem to be much harder to get past, much harder to let go of, much harder to forgive myself for. And I feel like they are all adding up so quickly. I am not even a whole year into my son’s life and I already regret things I did? How is that even possible? To regret in such a short timespan. I feel so guilty for feeling the regret, that I regret the guilt. This is quite a massive problem going on. 

I hope to be more alone than not, in this particular case, because wow it is a painful ride. I don’t feel like I will be much help to anyone who is currently dealing with this, because most days I feel the regrets and guilt sneak up on me in one way or another. I do hope, however, that you see another perspective. Whether that is of your own mind or someone else’s, I would like to think it would help either way.

So cheers to diving into this disaster of a story. Maybe I can change my own perspective just by typing this all out! Here is what I should have done.

First thing I realized too late was that I should have been doing a lot more research BEFORE my son was born. I couldn’t help but think it would be easy. I mean my body was made for this and women have done it since the beginning of time, of course I could do it! Yeah, no. Breastfeeding isn’t just about the holds and being awake all the time to feed them. It’s about your diet, pumping schedule, hydration, clothing, sleep positions, your baby’s weight, your time and energy, etc. I needed to ask a million and one questions, but I didn’t. I wasn’t asking these questions hardly ever when I was pregnant and I barely asked any after my son was born.

This leads into the second thing I should have done, which was talking to the Lactation Consultant. Pretty sure I had mastitis there for a second, and holy cow that was more painful than my c-section scar was at that point, which is really saying something. I have heard some real horrible stories about mothers and lactation consultants, but I should have kept an open mind and tried to see one. As a first time mother and especially first time breastfeeding mother, I really needed more help than I could have imagined. Now, my Aunt was tremendously helpful! She had tried breastfeeding three times at that point: once with twins! She was the only person who truly understood my frustrations because she had been there with her breastfeeding journey, too, and none of my other family members chose to breastfeed. The Lactation Consultant also would have helped with my pumping problems as well because I was apparently the only breastfeeding mother to ever come and go through the hospital without ever bringing in the pump. Again, not enough research was done. 

The last thing I need to get off of my chest here because I don’t think it gets talked about enough is the fact that I had no faith in my own body. Well, I did until I saw my son’s pediatrician. I thought I was on a roll! My son’s weight dropped for a while after he was born, which was a completely normal thing. I was ecstatic when he finally hit his birth weight again. I felt like I was finally doing the mom thing right, you know! Breastfeeding is no easy feat, but I felt like we were grooving and figuring it out. Until my son’s doctor made it very clear to me that he was not gaining enough weight. About 4 visits later (that were every like 2-3 days, mind you), I was exhausted and I gave in. I gave in to the “formula supplementing” approach. I was so upset with myself and I am still trying to let go of the guilt and shame I have for not going on my breastfeeding journey the way I anticipated. I stopped believing in my body. I stopped believing I was capable of figuring it out. I didn’t stand up for myself. I was vulnerable and sad and defeated and I gave in. I didn’t do this solely for myself, I truly thought the doctor wanted what was best for my son and I absolutely wanted to do the best. Once my breastfeeding journey was coming to an end, I started thinking more clearly and about the decisions that got me to an empty chest. I believe this was my downfall. This was the moment that set me up for failure. I tried every single thing I could and it was never enough. Once my son was on the bottle, it was over. Whether there was formula in it or breastmilk, didn’t matter. He gave up on latching as soon as he got a bottle. I am not saying this as a way to tell people not to bottle feed or formula feed. Fed is the best answer, always. I am saying this because I knew better and I didn’t say anything. I knew I wanted to breastfeed and that it would take some time. I knew my son was eating because he was having wet diapers. I knew better, but I still let the doctors get in my head and convince me that my son needed formula. A piece of my heart chipped the day my son wouldn’t latch. I will never forget it. I hope to heal and to forgive myself and remind myself that I had the best of intentions, whether it was the best for my son or not. Listen to your body and your heart and stand up for yourself and your children. I lost my opportunity, but you don’t have to.

Here is the question that feels so easy to answer as a pregnant person, but in practice is a whole beast. Will you use reusable or disposable baby items?

Sounds easy. Sounds simple. Sounds like a quick decision. NOPE. Aside from the potential judgement you will hear from both sides, I am here to tell you the benefits and downfalls of both because I have done both. I am not just talking about diapers here either, I am talking wipes, toys, baby food, all of it. And if the words ‘reusable diaper’ make you cringe, this blog post probably isn’t for you and you should check out my others. Cloth diapering is not for the faint of heart and definitely not for everyone and that is perfectly alright. As I reminisce on the oh so fun times my son and I had figuring out our limits, I want to note that most things in parenting are as gross as they sound, but you do them with love!

If we look solely into the cloth diaper vs. disposable diaper discussion, I need to note that my son did not wear them on a regular basis until he was over 6 months and he only wears them after he has had his daily poo.

Now the main reasonings for us were:

1. He was way too tiny to fit into them properly

2. He peed through them SO fast

3. His poo was SO hard to clean (newborn poos are the worst)

Aside from these complications, we found ways to make the cloth diapers work on our terms. One thing I learned not so quickly that sounds so obvious to me after using them is that you can use TWO inserts. Running on mom-brain, I never would have thought this up on my own. I would credit who I learned it from, but I was in a late night reading daze at the time and trying to understand why my son peed through them every 30  minutes. 

If you’re thinking that you might have to bring a lot more  items with you, I am here to warn you that every single baby requires a million things. As a new mom, I carried EVERYTHING with me. Just in case. I still carry more than enough and some just in case items, but wow my back was hurting all the time. 

Now if you’re wanting a more sustainable option, the cloth diaper is great. In our case, however, we use plastic bags for the used diapers because I usually forget the reusable bag or it is dirty. That reusable smells absolutely horrible  after just one diaper being in it for a few hours. We have also used throw away wipes the entire time because that’s where I draw my sustainability line.  So, we are not completely zero waste with our diapering, but it works for us and our family.

When it comes to other items, I love reusables. I used reusable nipple pads after going through a few disposable pads. They were so much softer and cheaper in the long run. We have specific rags for all baby messes instead of paper towels. I used ‘period underwear’ for the postpartum bleeding, which were both more comfortable and easy to clean. When I was breastfeeding, I would pump into bottles instead of the disposable freezer bags. I wasn’t producing much, so I was able to feed most of the expressed milk within hours. Now, I buy pureed baby food and usually stick to the glass jars because the plastic ones are not recyclable and I reuse the jars to propagate plants every once in a while. While some of these are cheaper in the long run, some aren’t. Glass baby food jars, expensive/high end cloth diapers (because you need so many and the cost of cleaning), and wooden/Montessori toys are definitely in the expensive category.

The worth of one thing or another is obviously based on the parent and child/children. The cost might be below, above, or adequate to your perceived use of the product at the time and your current values. My parents never would have even thought about using a cloth diaper or breastfeeding because sustainability was not something they valued. I breastfed and cloth diapered without ever thinking twice. Everyone is different in the way they parent, but I hope that this tidbit of information will help you find your perfect balance.

I can’t be alone in the way that being a new mom in those first few weeks just feels like I completely missed it. Everything was done and done in a timely manner for my son, but I have no clue how the hell I managed to do it. Now that my son is eight months old, I can’t help but look back on his newborn photos and think of how insanely fast we went through the absolute hardest and easiest time in motherhood it was so far. Did your body really just make it work even when your mind was on autopilot? Nursing every two hours all day long and being able to fall asleep at literally any time of the day at the drop of a dime. Once you get past those weeks, however, your newborn turns into an infant and starts developing patterns, likes, dislikes, and little bits of their personality finally come out. While this is a very exciting time, it was HARD for me to navigate and find our rhythm. Babies don’t do what you want them to, they do what they need to. You just have to keep guessing to figure out what they need? Yes, but with some help!

The best thing I did for myself was downloading the Huckleberry App! During the premium free trial I was able to track my little booger’s sleep, diapers, feedings. This was especially handy because I could never remember how long or how often he was eating, pottying, and sleeping when asked by his doctor. Because mom-brain is a huge struggle. I still use this app mostly to track his sleep because I am generally very forgetful.

The second best thing I did for myself was to stop looking at the clock. Yeah. Really. I completely ignored the time and focused on how long my baby had been awake. There are lots of wonderful articles on the science behind this! First and foremost, overtired babies are to be avoided at all costs. There is nothing harder to deal with than a baby that is so tired they cannot fall asleep, especially when you want to be asleep and you’re running on empty with a splash of low patience (like I constantly was). It is one of the saddest cries because you know they need the rest and you do, too, but they just can’t get there in any understandable time frame. Not a good time for anyone. 

Another reason this is great for you and your baby is the fact that timing each nap to an hour on a clock will only further your frustration and planning. Motherhood has enough of those two things as it is, why add to the pile? I mentioned that babies run on their own schedule, but the amount of time they can be awake before the gates of hell break loose is usually within a range appropriate to your baby’s age. My son, being 8 months old, will roughly be awake for 2.5 to 3.5 hours at a time starting now. For the longest time he was only awake for 2 hours at a time, so I would suggest asking your pediatrician or looking on their website to see what they recommend for your baby’s age.

Wake windows are the absolute jam. I love them. My son loves them. They work so well for us. BUT. And I mean but. I had a hard time when it came to being somewhere at a specific time. I would drive around for an extra 20 minutes because I would put him in the car when he was ready for a nap and then keep driving until we were supposed to be wherever we were going or he woke up. While my son did and usually does like the car, if I put him in too early or late, it was a struggle. With that being said, motherhood is the juggling act above all juggling acts. Many times I was able to juggle without dropping the balls and others I could barely throw the ball up to catch it. Life happens. 

The last reason as to why the wake window method is so helpful is that you have to give up control and listen to your baby. The sooner you realize who is driving who, the easier it is on your rhythm. You have to roll with those unexpected moments and allow yourself forgiveness when you misstep. Things will change constantly and for seemingly no reason at all. Your baby doesn’t know what they are going to feel like until it’s happening. While it is good to have an idea of what your day may look like, remember it is only a general idea. Trying not to get anxious when you’re anxious seems like an impossible task, but you have to remember why you are stressed in the first place. This is a beautiful time in your child’s life where you are needed and loved and I, for one, respect you more than anyone else in the world. You are on your journey through the most thankless and rewarding job ever known to man. Give yourself some grace, love your baby with every ounce you have left, and find your groove.