Not So Motherly Instincts

Thrifting Baby Clothes And Toys Early!

I would be lying if I said this wasn’t my absolute favorite part of being pregnant. The rest? Don’t want to do any of that again. BUT baby shopping just really gets you in the mood and realization that you’re gonna have a BABY! You get to swoon over the teeny tiny baby things your teeny tiny bundle will soon be using! So so sweet and exciting.

The few things I always gravitated toward were toys, clothes, and reusable items! I surprised my husband with the cutest little pair of overalls I found in a Goodwill the same day I told him I was pregnant. Goodwill has done us very well over the past year and we have been very fortunate with some of our cheap finds, so don’t discount Goodwills just because the items are donated! Goodwill is the best for casually looking at a large array of items and finding things that will work for the best price. If you are on the pickier side, you may get lucky, but you will most likely end up going many times to find what you really want. Keep in mind that all newborn items are subject to VERY short lifespans, even shorter than you imagine. It is best to find an array of sizes, so when your baby shoots through a whole size in a month, you’re prepared.

I went through Facebook Marketplace almost constantly looking for cute baby items. If you are looking for reusable diapers, a specific size of clothing, or a specific type of toy, you will usually have the best luck with Facebook Marketplace. While these items are usually a bit pricier, you’re way more likely to find exactly the style you are looking for. We found our reusable diapers and a few toys before our son was born and have used it since to find certain sizes of clothing. We were also fortunate enough to be able to go to garage sales because we found out we were expecting in June. Always lots of great tips from other parents and grandparents also when you find baby items at garage sales.

“Parenting is all about making the best choices you can with what you know right now.”

Thrifting and buying second hand as much as possible was a huge goal of mine, but I had to do some research to be on the safe side. I fortunately had my mother to turn to if I was not sure of the safety of thrifting certain items like car seats, cribs, etc. Before pregnancy I had never even thought about how that could be potentially dangerous to buy second hand. Some of which include: not knowing if the car seat had been in a car accident, items being out of date or expired, and safety regulations for baby items are very specific (down to the space between the wooden slats on the sides of cribs). So just err on the side of caution and either google or ask someone you trust if you are unsure.

The best part is the options! If you start early, you’re more likely to find items that you love and to be fully prepared for the baby. Keep in mind that you have free reign. If you want neutral, do it. If you want colorful, do it. If you want all wood, do it. If you want all plastic, do it. If you want a crib, do it. If you want a co sleeper, do it. No one can judge your style or preferences. Parenting is all about making the best choices you can with what you know right now. You might change your mind about a certain item later, but you also might love/swear by a product after using it. Make the best educated choices you can and roll with it.

My Pandemic Pregnancy Experience

No matter how you feel about the pandemic, it affected everyone. My pregnancy was no exception to changes the pandemic brought into all of our lives these past two years. From masks to social distancing, my pregnancy was much different than those pre-pandemic. While I could handle the pandemic baby jokes, you know the “mommy and daddy didn’t social distance” jokes, things like Dr. appointments, my delivery, and working were all rough.

The first appointment we had at eight weeks pregnant was in June 2020, so not very long into the pandemic. But let me tell you this, that 8 week wait is the LONGEST wait you will ever endure! My husband, fiance at the time, and I went into the Doctor’s office wearing our masks and trying not to touch anything or get too close to anyone. Initially, I was shocked by how many pregnant women I was seeing. How could I have never noticed before? It felt like everywhere I looked I saw more and more pregnant women. There wasn’t, I just never paid any mind to them until I realized I would be showing my big, beautiful belly soon like them. My husband and I were obviously sweating at this point. We were so nervous we could hardly sit still! Obviously they still needed a urine sample and to ask a million questions about insurance and my symptoms so far. Then we wait. And wait. And wait. Which was also totally normal. The ultrasound went wonderfully and that appointment was shorter than I anticipated, but we left both content and excited for the future.

That was the last normal appointment for us unfortunately. For the next appointment my husband took off of work again so that he could be there. He was just so excited-holding my hand and basically running to the elevator for our 12 week appointment that we were already 30+ minutes early for when we pulled into the parking lot. However as soon as we stepped up to the counter, he was asked to go back to the car and wait. Now, my husband is a lot of great things, but he has never been patient. On top of being impatient, he was very upset at this point because this was only my second visit, no one had called me to mention the new office protocols, and this would be the future of my pregnancy. I would have to go through all of this without him. He was no longer able to be involved in the updates and measuring and testing. He was no longer able to hold my hand and tell me I would be just fine and so would our baby. He was no longer able to ask questions I would nervously forget or see the doctor’s face when she told us how she felt things were going to know if it was serious or going along just fine. He was no longer able to hear the heartbeat of our tiny baby or watch the doctor smile as our little bean kicked from being poked at. He felt so left out by all of it. He was so upset by that one new rule that was just put in place the day before my 12 week appointment.

Another necessary evil I encountered was the three hour glucose test. While three hours sounds like such a short period of time looking back on it now, I was 100% having a bad time. I had failed the prior non-fasting glucose test, so I had to take the fasting three hour test to make sure I did not have gestational diabetes. Thankfully I did not have it, but I definitely wish I didn’t have to go through that process to find out. I had an increasing amount of anxiety given to me by my mask and the idea of me potentially having gestational diabetes that brought LOTS of heavy breathing, fogged glasses, and nervous sweats. My doctor’s office also asked me to stay inside the office to avoid any potential issues like spreading germs, passing out, or risking not being on time for my blood draws. Don’t get it twisted, this situation would have made me nervous even before the pandemic just because I have had blood sugar problems in the past. The new mandates, however, made everything so much worse.

Now I don’t know if this was because it was my first pregnancy or not, but I went through it feeling pretty disconnected from my baby. Despite the kicks, the whole thing was a dream. Not in the “super cute, it all went great” way, but in the “I didn’t feel like it was really happening” way. For me, that feeling didn’t really go away until my baby was over two months old. Once he could smile and laugh at me, I finally felt like a mom. Anyone who knew me and saw me on a regular basis during my pregnancy knows how not-pregnant I tried to act. From working up until a few days before my induction to running up and down stairs to do laundry, I thought I was Pregnant Superwoman! The delivery job I had at the beginning of my pregnancy had turned into a complete joke. I had worked that specific job since high school and my pregnancy was not taken as seriously as it should have been. I took a few weeks to calm down from the fury that job had built up in me and to try and connect with the idea that I WAS ACTUALLY GOING TO HAVE A BABY! After that, I started working with Instacart and Doordash. I had worked these two jobs on the side every once in a while before I was pregnant, but at that point, I HAD to make it work. While my husband is a very hardworking man, our bills were still too high for me to stay at home while he worked his two jobs. I worked alone for a couple of weeks before it was too much for me. Luckily, my mom was an Instacart shopper as well, so we would work together for the rest of my pregnancy. I had enough unfortunate fallouts that my mom will never recover from the trauma. The mask mandates did NOT help my public anxiety whatsoever, but you do what you need to do. Between the three times I had to put myself on the floor to sit until she brought me orange juice, the one time I was literally unconscious laying on the floor in the frozen section, and the two times I had fallen and hurt myself pretty badly, we’re BOTH traumatized. I will be forever grateful that she stuck by my side through all of it, though, because I would not have been able to do it alone.

The pandemic caused a lot of stress to my pregnancy, which seems to be a pretty stressful event for everyone already. I could handle the memes and the looks (I am assuming they were because I really do not look my age and everyone seems to have an opinion on pregnancy and Covid-19). The fact that no one would walk up to me, which I have heard is a pretty regular part of pregnancy, was kind of a blessing because I can be AWKWARD in public. Because of the pandemic, I had little interaction with both my family and strangers during my pregnancy. My pandemic pregnancy was quite scary at times, but at the end of the day I got to come home with a beautiful little baby who reminds me that it was all worth doing.

October 7, 2021

Who Am I?

For full context, I am writing this first blog while bouncing and humming to my three month old to keep him smiling because the sound of my typing is just not his favorite. On top of that, typing one handed seems to be coming with quite the learning curve and constant typos. Very thankful for editing! So as you can see, I am just a new mama trying to learn the ropes and what is best for my little baby and I.

Like most women you hear about, getting pregnant was a fairytale moment for my husband and I. Despite being in the middle of a pandemic, we were over the moon excited and so very on edge trying to keep the secret until we had a good time to tell people together. For both of my sides of the family, I am the oldest child and grandchild. This was a HUGE moment for everyone! The first of a new generation! As for my husband’s sides, the ages are quite varying in each generation. So still exciting, but just the regular “yay its a baby!” exciting. We were very grateful that everyone was on board and supportive in every way possible. Looking back on my pregnancy, I feel like it was quite the blur, but I do remember being quite optimistic about our new future. Now that could be new mom euphoria or sleep deprivation catching up to me finally; your guess is as good as mine. I was caught up in a whirlwind of positive comments and guiltless promises. Working up until a few days before my baby was born, I felt invincible; I loved every single comment about how strong I was and bitterly accepted all jokes about being “ready to pop.” Our almost week-long hospital visit for the birth of our baby was equally traumatizing and, again, blurry.

Those first few weeks are full of adrenaline and pure human nature. Between the medications and lack of sleep, I thought they would be so much worse. Now don’t get me wrong, learning to breastfeed, finding the time to feed myself, and just generally how to survive with a newborn while you break down crying every day was hard. Absolutely worth it and definitely not the hardest part. I really cannot think of a better way to describe it other than we were intentionally made for this and my body just sort of ran the show while my mind was reeling and trying to understand that this was my life now. I am really a MOM! Wow. I still think about pinching myself every now and again just to make sure this is all real.

I have come to acknowledge the fact that even though I want everything to be, my delivery, newborn stage, breastfeeding journey, and just about every single part of being a mom so far, is FAR from perfect or how I had it all planned out beforehand. I really thought that I would be in control of it all. All of the motherly warnings I got about having too high of expectations were not taken lightly. I was usually offended and put down-thinking that they were all doubting my capability. That was not the case whatsoever. My only advice for soon-to-be and new mamas is to roll with whatever comes your way and make decisions that are best for you and your specific child when the time comes. It was very hard to not get upset with myself when I was not meeting my own expectations. Hell, I still do every day. You have to remind yourself that your plan and the plan your child needs are not always the same. Anything can change and nothing is set in stone. As long as you and your baby are taken care of to the best of your ability, nothing else matters.

“There are places in the heart you don’t even know exist until you love a child.”
Anne Lamott

I know that taking to be a mom comes in all shapes and sizes, but I feel like I was quite in the middle of the spectrum. It wasn’t the easiest thing for me to learn after the first few weeks, but boy do you learn quickly when you have a tiny baby waiting on you for everything they need. The best advice I received was from my aunt who told me to just trust my motherly instincts and understand that you know your baby better than anyone else. I soon came to realize what motherly instincts felt like and to do the best I could do without overworking myself or stressing myself out. Learning to be a mom is quite the roller coaster so far, but I would not have made it this far without all of the support I have been so lucky to receive. I know that not all of the promises given to me when I was pregnant will be fulfilled and I am learning to understand the good intentions behind them. It was a hard lesson to learn so early on and hit me like a ton of bricks when I finally realized it, but I needed it. On the flip side of the quote “You are not everyone’s cup of tea,” not everyone is going to be yours. In an attempt to finish off this first blog post on a positive note, I would like to thank everyone who reads this and all who have helped me get to where I am on my journey to becoming the best Mama I can be.

October 5, 2021